The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize