I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
