kristin has been a bad kristin
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
