the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
