It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
