Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize