my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
