The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize