Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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