I puked a lego.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
