sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
