i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you had me at cake vodka
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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