So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
