guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
