party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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