she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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