is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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