I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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