Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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