I swear she didn't look like that last week.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
