genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
