Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
