you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
