The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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