This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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