no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
