id be glad to
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
