Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
