you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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