She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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