i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize