Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
