How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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