he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
