It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
