yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
