Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
