how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
