I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
