dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
