C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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