there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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