im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
