my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
