I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
