Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
