he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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