I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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