Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
