this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
