He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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