how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
