My Higher Power is John Stamos
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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