Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
