well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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