Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
