Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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