I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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