Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize