One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
