you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
