she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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