I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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