Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
