i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You need Xanax blowdarts
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
