we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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