There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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