Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
