The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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