i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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