She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
