i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
