I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
