After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
