did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize