I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
