I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
