My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
