And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
