I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
