WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
