Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
