highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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