So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
