Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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