It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
