There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
