I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Can't talk, ducks in the car
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
