drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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