The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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