Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
