remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
