I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's blow job season.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
