you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
