At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think i peed on brittanys purse
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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